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dainesefreak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dainesefreak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Cat
    Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 13:30
I turned into a cat earlier today, don't ask meaow.

I'll get my coat.
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Bird View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bird Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 13:32
Stern Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote redratbike Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 15:15
Clapits what my daughter would call a dad joke
 
i laugh she doesnt i think its obviously a man thing Bird!


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MountainMan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountainMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 15:32
I rather like that but my comedy is limited to what I can say around 3 small children.

What do you call a snail on a boat?

A snailor!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountainMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 15:41
Do we need to lower the tone a bit?

What do you call the smallest pub in the world?

The Thalidomide Arms.
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MountainMan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountainMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 15:50
Not a joke but something that happened that made me think I was living in the middle of a Jimmy Carr gag.

At the end of term, our kids had a non uniform day. The kids had to bring a pound each for a charity for amputees iirc. It was fronted by a bloke called Brian who had no arms. Sorry, I can't remember the name of the charity but the school headmaster in his infinite wisdom sent every child home with a letter explaining it was "Thumbs Up For Brian" day!!!!
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dainesefreak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dainesefreak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 17:35
Great faux pas by a teacher.

It's about the only joke I can remember. I hear them, they're in there for about 5 minutes and then they're gone. Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 18:24
Here's a grandad joke:

What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?


You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo ,,,,,

Now I'll get my coat!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 18:25
I went to the doctors with terrible wind, and asked the doc if he could give me anything.....




Wait for it, it's bad,,,







So he passed me a kite 😂😂😂
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Granty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 20:27
What goes 100 mph underground?






























A mole on a motorbikeTongue
MAY THE FORCE NOT SEE YOU
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote threepints Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 20:42
What do you call a multiple amputee in a swimming pool? Bob.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Granty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 20:48
An Irish man was taking he`s driving test and the instructor said let the clutch out........ so he opened the door!

He failed so took he`s test again, the instructor said dip your lights...........so he drove into a lakeTongue

sorry our westerly friends.
MAY THE FORCE NOT SEE YOU
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dainesefreak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dainesefreak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 21:07
To all the innocent bystanders I can only apologise for what I've started here. Wink
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IanG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 21:11
What's yellow with red wheels?












































A freshly whipped chinese LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 23:25
What do you call a fella with a spade in his head.....






Dug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Apr 2015 at 23:26
What is the hight of agony.......






A one handed man hanging off a cliff with itchy bollox
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 06:45
Originally posted by Mase Mase wrote:

What do you call a fella with a spade in his head.....






Dug


What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?















Dougless,,,,
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 06:46
What do you call a man with a pint of beer on his head, juggling balls, and playing snooker at the same time????














Beer - trix - potter.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountainMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 07:23
What do you call a fish with no eyes?




A fsh.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote grumpy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 07:50
Oh dear, oh dear.


What do you call am man wearing paper underwear?


















Russel.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 08:10
What do you call a deer with no eyes?


No idea 😑
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 08:11
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?













Still no idea 😂😂
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote adzed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 09:20
What's got a hundred balls and f**ks rabbits?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
a shotgun!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ian03 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 13:43
What type of bees produce milk?













Boobees :o)
Just do it, you're not getting any younger
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote j180 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2015 at 21:15
What do you call a man with a family of rabbits up his arse








Warren
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Apr 2015 at 07:16
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
















Jack
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Apr 2015 at 07:17
What do you call a man with a pack of bacon on his head?


















Hamed
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Apr 2015 at 15:49
How do you make a budgie go woof?













pour petrol over him and set it alight.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cwp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 May 2015 at 19:46
What's the fastest thing underwater?

A Motorpike and sidecarp
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IanG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 May 2015 at 20:04
What's the difference between a monkey and acid rain?




































Not much..................................they both f*kc up trees




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